I have spent roughly the last 8 years on what I would call a spiritual journey. Truth be told we are all on a spiritual journey, I just realized I was on one about then and decided to take a bit more of an active role in the adventure.
It was about 5 years ago when I started to enjoy blogs that were different than what I read in the past. It seemed the purpose of these sites was to inspire people, lift them up, make them feel good about themselves. I loved these sites and found that I gravitated towards them more and more.
I have always been an avid reader of books and I started reading about philosophy, art, religion, spiritual quests, journeying, you name it. It’s not a journey that is ever done, nor can anyone learn all there is to learn about it however I do hope it’s a journey that continues until I take my last breath.
Which is hopefully outside, looking up at the stars, cuddled in a blanket, laughing,
maybe a little drunk.
I have been busy this summer.
I know who isn’t busy right? Well I became unexpectedly busy and each week I thought, “ah it’s ok, next week will be better,” only to find next week was just as busy.
I felt I had lost control of the car I was driving and was now at the mercy of the road and anything that should jump into my path.
It was maybe 2 weeks ago that I remembered that we are never powerless and I decided to make a choice and start taking back some of the things I needed.
I was tired, I was sick, I was dragging through my days getting frustrated and short with the people I love.
It sucked.
So, I started saying, “no.”
I said “no” to jobs that would have interrupted some much needed family time.
I asked for rest and enlisted the support of family to get the rest I needed.
I took some me time.
I also continued to make plans, have thoughts and make choices that were not in alignment with what I really needed, wanted and was hoping to build.
So maybe one step forward one step back.
I decided it was time to take inventory and make plans.
The first step was becoming clear with my focus.
The Creatively Fit Programs helped me with that.
So what do I mean by my focus?
For me it was putting a name to what I wanted to spend my life doing. To identify what are the things that I care the most about.
The preverbial “if I could do just one thing everyday what would it be.”
From there it simply became a matter of answering one, small, tiny, yet profound question anytime I was presented with a choice or an invitation.
“If I do this or that am I acting in my highest good to enhance and/or expand my life focus?”
If the answer was no, then, I had my answer.
Ok, so maybe you are thinking “uh, yeah but we have to do things we don’t want to do sometimes!”
Yes, sadly we do.
I am pretty sure the tax man won’t accept me not paying taxes and saying,
“Oh it’s ok because it’s in alignment with my highest good.”
Nope ain’t going to work.
This exercise isn’t about the things that all decent human beings know.
This isn’t an open book to just run over people so you get what you want.
This is for those of us that struggle with setting personal boundaries.
Those of us that say, “yes” to everything and find ourselves running around delivering 100 cupcakes we were up until midnight baking because “someone had to do it.”
Those of us that spend our entire weekends running from bbq to party to bbq for former co-workers step-kids because we don’t know how to say no.
Or because we feel bad if we say no.
Or if we disapoint someone.
Heather Madder said something one time that had such a powerful impact on me. She said, “I feel no obligation to serve others expectations of me.”
Wow.
So you are saying that just because my friend thinks I should not stay in and watch re-runs on TV because she wants to go out and “can’t go alone,” that I don’t have to meet that expectation?
Huh.
So I started to think about what I needed.
I thought about “refilling my well” and what I needed so I could make some changes in my life. What systems do I need to put in place so that I don’t find myself here again.
Burnt out, tired, over-worked, exhausted and feeling as if I was taken advantage of.
For me, it was a solo-retreat weekend.
I need space.
I need time where the only person/thing I have to worry about was me.
I need to sit quietly without hearing a TV, voices or just the sounds of other people.
I want to be in a room working on my creative projects without thinking, “this floor really needs to be mopped I should be mopping this floor not gluing magazine pictures into a notebook.”
So I talked with my husband about it. I talked with my mother about it.
They both support it.
Neither really gets it but they support me anyway.
Family is like that.
Of course I still had/have doubts.
Insecurities that bubble to the surface.
Little voices whispering in my head.
“How could you want to be away from your daughter?”
“What kind of mother wants to be away from her daughter for a whole weekend?”
“What is wrong with your life that you need to escape it?”
“Everyone is stressed and tired what makes you so special?”
The truth is, I don’t want to be like everyone else.
I don’t want to be stressed, unhappy, doped up on anti-depressants and Red Bull.
I have no desire to get through my day.
I want to LIVE my day.
I am not talking about being happy all the time or never experiencing sadness or tough times.
I am talking about taking the time for myself so I can be present when the the bad times happy. So I can face the adversities when they show up and say,
“What bitch? You think you’re knocking me down?”
We. All. Need. To. Care. For. Ourselves. Everyday.
We have needs!
I heard someone once who said, “You don’t say, ‘Oh I brushed my teeth yesterday so I don’t need to do it again.” Yet we seem to feel like, if we have our 2 days off a week or if we take 2 weeks of vacation a year that we should be fine.
Well you know what, you need to brush your teeth everyday! And some days you eat Oreos and have to brush your teeth an extra time. Or you have popcorn and we all know that requires some one-on-one time with the dental floss.
We are no different. Sometimes an hour in the garden is all you need and other times, you ate Oreos and you need a weekend away.
And yes, I have doubts.
I feel guilty even as I write this.
The voices in my head are still offering up their 2 cents.
Until I remind myself why I want to take this time for myself.
I remember my focus.
I don’t want another summer like this one.
I hate when I feel off-kilter and off-balanced.
I feel the most beautiful shift on the horizon and I want to be ready for it!
However to do this I need to take some time for me.
I am reminded about how on an airplane you are told that in the event of loss of cabin pressure to put your oxygen mask on before you try to help small children with theirs.
You are no good to anyone if you can’t breathe and you pass out.
How am I supposed to teach my children to breathe if I forget how?
So, doubts and all I am going.
I booked it already 🙂
I won’t be far. It won’t be long.
It is however necessary.
So, if like me you are thinking of taking some solo time.
Know you deserve this.
Know you are a sovereign being who needs to be nurtured and loved and most importantly by YOU.
That even if no one understands your need for something that YOU know YOU best.
Make time for you.
And perhaps join me?
I am going to be writing here from now until my retreat about my plans for the weekend.
Gentle plans that I will happily through out the window should the mood strike.
I will share my thoughts, concerns and excitement.
And of course my journaling supplies.
One important part of the weekend is going to be a physical cleanse.
The journey of physical health and of spiritual health go hand-in-hand so I am taking an active role in that as well.
(If you would like some information on the cleanse I am going to be doing and my harmony journey sign-up here and I can send you all the details!)
And perhaps my weekend solo retreat won’t solve anything.
Maybe I will feel great/guilty/terrible/happy and then in 2 weeks be completely overwhelmed again.
That’s ok. I tried.
And unless you try, you don’t get to complain.
Until Next Time….
Michele aka The Dreaming Dilettante
Oh, I so love your writings Michele! It almost gave me shivers reading about your thoughts about your summer, being stressed out and needing to go away just to be by yourself.
For the last couple of weeks I have been pondering what you are touching upon in your blog post. Myself I had a wonderful summer really relaxing and doing things I love. It did not however take more than a couple of weeks back at work before I was more stressed than ever wondering how on earth the feeling of complete relaxation had disappeared faster than thunder and lightning. You really gave me something to think about..
I am keeping my thumbs up for you having a fabulous time with yourself and resonating with you and your thoughts 100 percent!
Love,
Carina (a fan of yours from Finland 🙂
Thank you so much for stopping by the site! Yes I think self-care is an on-going practice! I appreciate the happy wishes and I will be sure to share how the retreat goes so hopefully you can check back!