Apr 24 2013

It’s a Beautiful Day

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I believe in the power of intention.

I am not talking about just putting a photo up on the wall of a Porsche and then *poof* a Porsche appears on your doorstep.
I mean true, heartfelt intention. The kind of intention that is so in alignment with your purpose, your path and your true self that the Universe actually smiles when you set it.

As regular readers of my blog know I have been studying Reiki and through my studies I have been reconnecting with a former love of crystals. Most mornings after I am done getting dressed I pick one or two crystals from a bowl on my intention altar and I take a moment to think about what qualities I want to invoke for the day. I pick the stones at random, my knowledge of crystals and their meanings being limited, and I trust that whichever ones I pick are the right ones. I hold them in my hands and infuse some Reiki healing into them while focusing on the intention.

This morning I picked out my stones and set the intention for abundance, financial abundance. It may not be the most spiritual of requests but it felt appropriate to me for the day.

In the afternoon while going to the store I saw a woman at the side of the road. She was holding a sign that read, “Single Mom. Just Laid off of Work. Please Help.”

Sadly it’s not the first time I have seen someone asking for help in my town. I always feel compelled to help but for some reason this woman touched me. I only had $2 in cash on me, I gave it to her and the look in her eyes showed me her gratitude-so much so that I felt compelled to help more. There was something in her story that just moved me so I picked up some groceries for her.

I am not sharing this story to toot my own horn. Personally I feel what I did was the bare minimum one human being should do for another in need. Rather I am sharing this story because of what happened to me after I left her.

I felt rich.
I felt, in that moment, the abundance that is already my life. I realized all we have both materialistically but even more the beauty that is my home and my family. I suddenly started to realize how much more simply we could live. How so many of the things we value are really not needed.

I found my abundance.
It had been there all along.

The Universe provides us answers when we ask.
All we ever need, want or desire is right within reach.

I hope this finds you with abundance.

Until next time….
Michele

Apr 18 2013

Stop Editing

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I am so unbelieveably excited!

Those of you that have been reading my blog know that I have been trying to self-publish a book of poetry for  about a year now.
It was a labor of love and ready to go off to the printers the end of last summer, until an issue with the layout forced me to step away from the project. (For the safety of myself and my laptop :)

When I went back, I decided the entire book was crap and I had to re-write it.
I never touched it after that.

Recently, at the encouragement of some fellow poets, I decided to give it another shot. I re-read, edited a bit and decided it wasn’t crap. The layout went so easy this time (thanks Michelle!) that I couldn’t believe I had the trouble I did.

The proof copy of the book arrived today.Proof Photo

I twirled, giggled and smiled so big when it arrived! My daughter carried in the small package as I tried to remember what I ordered (not expecting this until tomorrow).  I was caught completely off-guard when I opened it and saw my title, my name.

A dream come true.

After sharing, giggling, running my hands over it I decided I should sit down and give it a final proof read. I had tea, I had chocolate, I had a big smile on my face.

Until I started reading.
My mind raced as I imagined the people that would read these poems.
Oh, I used that word. She won’t like that
Ugh, that is so personal, what if he takes it wrong.

I had the pencil out and then I stopped myself.
The voice in my head telling me to edit, wasn’t my own.
It was the voice of all the people in my life.
They were saying everything negative I thought they might say.
They were vocalizing every little fear I have about sharing this work with the world.

And I was listening.

For a moment anyway.

Then I decided to sit, and read the book as I would a diary.
I read the poems and marveled at my candor and the rough turn of phrase I used in some spots.
I smiled at the passionate parts and nodded a “hell yea” at the rougher parts.
I fixed typos (although I know I still will have some!)

It’s me.

I probably should stop editing that.

Until next time….

-Michele

Apr 12 2013

Your Sign from the Universe

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It’s hard to know the difference between taking your time and doing something right and avoiding completion.
At least for me, a natural born procrastinator.

I am not at all a “Type A.”
Things are never “just so,” I don’t scrutinize and I miss things.
Teachers would say I was lacking and not detail-oriented.

I like to think it’s part of my charm.

I like to move with my emotions, with how I feel. I like to decide today that this course of action is alright and tomorrow, nope, ain’t gonna work! For me, it’s the only option that feels right and true and ME.

Last year I started work on my poetry book, I compiled, I edited, I formatted, I found images, I created a cover, I had photos taken….it was a big endeavor! When it was all said and done, there was a formatting problem I just could not resolve so I decided to step away so I could do it right.

And some time passed. My writing style changed and when I went back to work on the book,
I hated it.
I felt my writing had changed and this book wasn’t a reflection of that.
I considered putting it out anyway and then I remembered those other people and decided maybe I would take my time and create a book that was a better reflection of me.

And months passed.
Alright, almost a year passed.
It was on my list for this year to complete the book and I hadn’t even tried to work on it.
Then last week at my poetry group we were chatting about our work, laughing, enjoying and I mentioned my book.
They are all supportive and caring and basically told me to just publish it. One woman even offered to help me with the formatting.

I feel I am always struggling with doing my best work and doing what the world deems as my best work.
Mistakes are normal and we live in a world that doesn’t tolerate them.Everyone experiences life differently, speaks differently;
yet we are told there are certain ways to create “proper” writing.

I believe there is a difference between not caring and throwing out crappy work that means nothing to you versus doing your best work that isn’t for everyone.

We change, we grow, we evolve.
What we loved one day is old fashioned the next.
The restaurant you love your friend hates.And if you keep waiting to put your poetry book out into the world,
the world will miss what you have to say.

No need to wait. Move mountains. Express-let’s do it!

 

 

Apr 2 2013

Within Their Own Time…

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I was giving some thought today to mindfulness and how it relates to nature.

Spring is here on the East Coast and it made me think how, at one time, people believed they had to perform certain rituals to bring back the warmer weather. Now, however, I would like to think we have realized just how powerful nature is and that it will continue on in spite of us.

I started to think about how, as human beings, we like to believe we control so much. We plan and make preparations. We look to the future and we learn from the past. I just wonder, how much time do we spend in the present? Lately I too have been trying to plan and predict things. Trying to find out before it’s time what the results of my efforts will be. I long to find the answer to tomorrow’s questions today and want to know right now if my work has paid off.

And like nature, the rest of the universe smiles, nods and tells me, “all in it’s right time.”
My tomato seeds, while they will someday hold large, beautiful beefstake tomatoes, today are not even an inch tall. These tiny seeds couldn’t old up each other let alone be asked to hold a giant tomato. And yet, we ask this of our dream seeds all the time.

We seem to fit our lives into these timelines dictated to us by the rest of the world. Learning should take place in this order, in this time and at this speed. Relationships should proceed in this order, look like this and last this long. We are told to act our age or that we need to act  now because we aren’t, “getting any younger.”

Why?

Why do things have to follow a certain road because somewhere, someone did a study saying this is what happens if you wait too long/don’t wait long enough/don’t act now. Who says college starts at 18 or that babies should be born by 29? We spend some much effort focusing on these self-imposed deadlines that we never get to watch this tiny seed grow. Little, by little each day. We miss them perk up as the sun lands it first ray of light in the early morning. We ignore the growth that happens with each drink of water.

Our dreams are no different. Small, fragile, needing lots of love and tending yes, but also needing time and lots of room to grow.

Here is to tending the garden without focusing on the yield or results. Rather, just to enjoy the sunshine.

Until next time…

Michele, aka The Dreaming Dilettante

Mar 25 2013

I Write for Me

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The following was not initially written as a blog post. I intended this for a book that I am writing and to be honest, I think it may still go in, too early to tell. However as I was writing it I knew I had to share it here. It’s a post I wanted to write for a while but didn’t know how to start it and as I sat working on another piece it just came out. I would love your feedback!

I facilitate a writers group and a poetry group. They are sharing groups where people come together, sip tea or coffee, eat cookies and delight in each others work.

It’s not a critique group.

I say that to new members. I say that on the site that promotes the group, I remind newcomers of it when they start talking about “being published” and “what I’ve learned.” I understand. We all want our work to be the best it can be. So we take courses, listen to others with “more success” than us. We edit, edit and edit. We change things, take out words, add words, correct grammatical mistakes. All to make it the best work.

But who’s best?

I recently got into a minor disagreement with a new member of our group who started the group by offering suggestions to improve it and despite my best efforts took out his pen to offer criticism.  We are a welcoming, gentle group who support the creative process that each and every one of us goes through. We are not there to rip someone apart to make them “better.” We do not pretend that we know more than the person sitting next to us. We share, we laugh, we cry, we support.

At one point, the new member suggested words to avoid because, “that is how you make great writing.” The statement upset me extremely because I know the creative stories of the people in our group. I know what it took for some of them to share that first poem or short story. I know what it still takes for them. To make the suggestion that because she used the word “and” that her piece was not great was incredibly insulting. While his intentions were to help this person get their work published (even though that is not her expressed intention) the phrase angered me.

Who decides what is great writing?

Critics? Gray-haired men sitting in dark stuffy libraries puffing on cigar smoke?
People who feel the need to impart their superiority and spout off the work of the “classics.”
I read the classics in school. Well, OK I read the Cliff’s Notes version of most of the classics.
I hated them. To me, they sucked. They were boring, depressing and showed life at its worst.
I also loved to read and could polish off a 350 page book in a day and usually did so just about every day.

I would say that’s the definition of well-read wouldn’t you?

What really got to me? Was it this guy, regurgitating the literary world’s “rules” (the ones I take great pride in breaking)? Was it the part of me that started an argument with my English teacher who explained that my interpretation of the book Ethan From (which I actually read in it’s entirety and loved) was wrong.
(To which I responded, “how do you know? Did you talk to the author personally?” )

While that was part of it, the truth is he triggered the part of me that knows I am not considered “well-read.” The part that knows she could never hold her own in a literary debate of the minds. The part of me that likes reading Nora Roberts as much as Emily Dickinson.  The part of me that would pour out my heart on a paper only to have it handed back with all the grammatical errors and the ever-so-present note, “too many run-on sentences.”

I write how I talk. I flood the paper with words and emotions because I am feeling so much as the fingers click the keyboard. I want to express every single feeling that wells up inside of me and not allow a moment of that emotion to go unexpressed because I pause to look up whether I need a colon or a semicolon.

I am a horrible speller. I hated diagramming sentences and still need to stop and think about what an adverb is. I am flawed. My writing is unpolished, unedited and I am unapologetic for it.

You see critics, professors, teachers and those that wish to show off are the ones who make rules about creativity.

And I don’t write for them.
I write for me. I write for the people who sit at the table next to me at a diner. I write for people who want to listen. If you can’t get passed how I dress to hear my words,

You wouldn’t understand them anyway.

Until Next Time….
Michele, aka The Dreaming Dilettante

Mar 23 2013

Fear & Art

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*Note: I know many people are upset with the announcement that Google Reader is going away. I use this site to manage all the blogs I read and it’s wonderful! Check it out: bloglovin***

So far, 2013 has been amazing.
Not always good, but always amazing.
Definitely not always easy but always amazing.

There has been a lot of growth, a lot of change, a lot of progress, a lot of creating.
Today, I have the itch to create, to bury myself within paints and markers and ripped pieces of paper and yet-I’m not.
I feel stuck. Like my feet are glued in place and I can’t break free.
I decided instead to write about it and as always the answer came to me.

I have been learning a lot about myself the past few months. Digging deeply into my purpose, my contract, stating how much I want to know, “what the next step is!” I would become frustrated when I felt that I wasn’t progressing in the way I should or when the road seemed unclear or overgrown. Today, as I sat stuck I realized that the next step was clearly right in front of me. I said it in the previous paragraph-I wanted to create, I wanted to bury myself with paints.

So why wasn’t I painting?

Why was I starting to back slowly away from this newly found purpose? From this road I was so sure of less than a week ago?

Today I took my first pottery class-it was awesome! I made something that looks like a bowl. I think I will call it “bowl” and fill it with chocolates and flowers. (I will share pics in the forum once it’s completed).

The 2 women who were there were lovely and we chatted and I found myself saying I was painting, how I was working on a coaching certification to teach painting and how I am a writer. Naturally they asked why type of writing I do so I started talking about my latest project.
I was nervous, hesitant but pushed through. They smiled and the one woman lent me a book she thought I would enjoy, appropriately titled, “Art & Fear” by David Bayles & Ted Orland.

So I have this great morning, I want to create and yet I am stopping myself. A pattern I am recognizing as old and familiar. Generally it would result in my abonding all the systems I have put in place over the past few weeks, no longer accomplishing anything and then lamenting about how things always get in the way.

So what’s going on?

Fear. Plain and simple.
(And I say that having not read of word of the book!)
I am starting to put myself out there. Starting to be seen as an artist. I am starting to put expectations on myself. Quietly whispering deadlines in my head and attaching dollar amounts to my work.

Instead of just creating my work.
Fear is perfectly normal and sometimes it can warn us life-threatening dangers.
People not liking my artwork isn’t life-threatening.

So today, I create.
Fear and all.
Join me?

Until next time…Michele, aka The Dreaming Dilettante

Mar 18 2013

The Power of Creativity

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Last week truly felt amazingly full, light and beautiful.

I do not doubt my decision to study Reiki and re-start my healer training had something to do with it.
I also feel that the deep connection, priority and respect I have given to my creativity is a large part of it.

I used to hear people say that they couldn’t breathe if they didn’t have their creative outlets-it was that important to them. I used to smile and think, “it would be amazing to have that kind of connection to your creativity.” For me, I loved creativity but always put it off thinking “someday” I will have time for it. “Someday” the universe will line up just right and give me lots of free time to work on my creativity but until then I was fine.

I didn’t realize how wrong I was.

It’s like all of a sudden getting a good pair of shoes and realizing how much pain your feet had been in all this time.

Once I connected with my creativity, truly connected to it, it was like I realized how sad part of me had been all this time. While my life was beautiful and blessed and happy there was a part of me hidden from the world, unexpressed, unseen. And this part wasn’t a small part, it was the core of not only who I was but how I viewed the world, reacted to it and planned. Not honoring that part of myself left me disconnected and oftentimes feeling like my life was happening to me.

So what was the change?
Me.
I make time, each day, for my creativity. I prioritize just like any other task that I would say has-to get done.
There is no option.

In the past, I would set aside time and say, “Ok from 1-2pm that is my time and I am going to create.” And it never failed that a phone call would come in or something would change and some outside influence “took away” my opportunity to create.
I would get frustrated, “no one understands how important this is to me!”
Of course they didn’t.No one valued the time I set-aside for creativity because I didn’t value it.
Instead of saying, “sorry can’t meet you at 1 but I could meet you at 2:30?” I would sigh, look longingly at my pretty notebook, close the door to my office and sulk off.
It was all very dramatic.

Once I made it a priority, once I set aside time and basically said, “this is it folks, this is how I roll.” The interruptions stopped. Those around me got it, they could see just how important this was to me so they respected it.
When we say we have no time, or things just don’t work like that for me, we are really saying that we don’t value the things we say we do.
If our days are filled with nothing but things that make us unhappy, unfulfilled and sad then we aren’t on path. We aren’t living our truth.
We aren’t living period.

What do you want to do?
What do you want to see?
What do you want your days to be like?

Make 5 minutes for it today. No ifs, ands or buts.
Make your life begin!

Until next time….
Michele aka The Dreaming Dilettante

Mar 15 2013

20 Minutes of Magic (Umm, maybe I should have re-thought that title ;)

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What an amazing week! I talked in my daily podcasts how I have been utilizing Michael Nobbs’ trick of working in 20 minute chunks of time. This week I have been utilizing my Dilettante’s Diary to write down the creative tasks I want to focus on and then setting my timer for 20 minutes to work on them. Some of the projects are things that I want to do, love to do when I am doing them but somehow they always get pushed aside when life gets busy. When I sit down to do my work, I may sigh and think, “but I don’t know what to write!” Yet I quickly remind myself it’s just for 20 minutes and then I can move on to something else.

The sense of accomplishment that is coming from having a book coming to fruition, an online store that is growing and a creative life that is expanding is indescribable. In the past week I have been able to give attention to all the ideas that whirl around in my head, give them a place to come out and dance and look back at all I have done at the end of the day!

I do know that I am fortunate to have the time and energy for 20 minutes but I cannot express enough how 5 minutes would make a difference! We all have 5 minutes within our day to do something that moves us-and aren’t we worth it?  I can tell that this idea is becoming quite addicting for me and I spoke in a podcast this week about how I wondered if I could overdue this concept. (I am really, really good at overdoing!)

I imagined myself, with a daily list of 100 items all chunked out in 20 minutes each. I would be frantic, rushing from one to another, timers blaring!

Then I grounded a bit and had another thought.

I looked at the “20 Minute Magic List” as I am now calling it, as a special list reserved for all the amazing things I want to invite into my life. Things like walks in the woods, painting, music, reading, sitting on the front porch swing. Things that allow me to pause, reconnect and grow. These are the things that make be better at the BIG things in my life. (Work, friends, family)

To get on the list, I imagine myself handing out little tickets and only the exciting things, the things that light me up or the things that I know are for my highest purpose get on the list. So for example, I can assure you that 20 minutes of kickboxing will not be on my list. 20 minutes of yoga and stretching though is. And the best part is that it changes from day to day. Each morning I can wake up, take an inventory and decide what gets a ticket into my life.

And then, like magic it’s there!

Why not give it a try? You will be amazed at the time you can find in your day (even 5 minutes!). However if you find that you just cannot find the time then maybe a different exercise is for you.

Write down every single thing you do during the day and how long you spent doing it.
Do this for 1 week and at the end of the week take inventory.

Rank all the items on your list with a coding system. You can use whatever you like but here are some examples:
HT: (Have To)-things ranked as a HT would be: sleeping, eating, work, paid bills
OT: (Obligated To)-these are the things that you do because it’s expected not because you want to do them. The things that if they never came up you wouldn’t do them.
WT: (Want to) hopefully you have lots of these!

Once you see how you are spending your time you may realize that you do in fact have space for some magic. If you only made a little room :)

Until next time…

-Michele aka The Dreaming Dilettante

Mar 5 2013

Giveaway Winner and Stepping Outside

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I finally did the drawing for my February Giveaway and the winner is……..

Alison!!!! Congrats to you Alison you have won a FREE month of the Dilettante Deliveries!
Enjoy!!!

*****************************************

I had a brilliant idea for a blog post yesterday.
It was going to be wonderful.
I never wrote it down.
It is lost somewhere in neurons of my brain.

I should learn.

It’s hard sometimes to write when inspiration hits. I find it’s rarely ever when I am sitting at the laptop or at the very least, sitting at all.
Unless of course I am sitting in my car driving or in the shower.
I have been really making a valiant effort to be better at recording my ideas as they occur. I have been using the record feature a lot on my phone but yesterday for some reason I just didn’t. I knew I wanted to, however, if I were to be totally honest I think the topic scared me just a bit. I know it had something to do with being honest with ourselves and I wonder if part of me really wasn’t ready to be?

I trust it will come back if/when it’s meant to and I promise to listen next time around.

I feel as if I need to take a deep breath. As if so many amazing things are swirling around my house and the moment I step outside they are going to all come rushing at me, excitedly gibbering away about how long they have waited for me and all the wonderful things we will do together. Almost like excited children they talk non-stop and while they are charming and sweet and make me smile there is a part of me that is whispering, “back away slowly inside the house.”

I feel drawn to the metaphor of a butterfly lately and how the catepillar has to coccoon itself in it’s safe little home as the major transformation occurs. When my daughter was born it was winter and I was blessed with 9 weeks of maternity leave. We were having an extremely cold, extremely snowy winter. I can still remember one day, sitting with a cup of coffee in the living room. The curtains were open, the snow was falling outside and my precious little baby girl was asleep in her swing.

I don’t think I have ever wanted to freeze a moment more in my life.

Since I made the move to working for myself/full-time mom I have been aware of the feeling of cocooning once again. I know that the past year and a half has been necessary, has been the first step in the next phase of forward movement. It’s hard, however, to step outside of the safe haven I have created. Knowing the amazing world that lies outside does little to make me want to leave this warm and cozy home and venture into the unknown.

Fear is a part, a big part. I can feel the shift occuring and on some level know the role I play and then my mind starts it’s whining and it’s hard to listen to anything else.
Much less the small, clear, knowing voice that whispers.
It’s time.

The sun is shining the day is new-it’s time to step outside.
Care to join me?

P.S. I have used this video on my blog in the past-it always makes me happy and giggling.
I will warn-you probably will have it stuck in your head all day :)

Until Next Time…..
Michele aka The Dreaming Dilettante

Feb 28 2013

The Ripple Effect

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I cannot believe it is the end of February.
I feel as if I am in a whirl of days sometimes. Since I realized (today!) that it is the last day of February it seemed fitting to share what I learned during my month of Spreading the Love.

The main lesson that came about was that as I spreaded me some love, I felt more calm and at peace.
For example, when I would get frustrated with someone, maybe they didn’t hold the door, didn’t say thank you when I did, I would feel frustrated at how rude people are. Then, a little voice would remind me of this challenge. I would curse at it, but then just simply say in my mind, “I send you love.”

The result was, that instead of feeling that frustration towards someone I initially saw as rude, I instead felt compassion for someone who maybe was having a really crappy day. Whatever the reason, I immediately felt calm, and at peace.
It seemed this month I was my own best recipient of love so all-in-all not a bad deal.

The phrase I would say, either out-loud or in my head, “I send you love,” was something I heard Ellen Degeneres say on her show one time. She was talking about all the animals that are in horrible situations and whenever she saw a truck that looked like it might be transporting animals she would simple say, “I send you love.”

It is something I do when I hear or see a horrible news story, the kind that makes you gasp and just feel a wrench in your heart.
I would feel so helpless. How could something horrible like that occur and I can do nothing.
I would be enveloped in sorrow for a life I never even knew.
So I started sending love.
I send love to the victim, to the families to the friends, to everyone who hurts because of the horrible event.
And, if I am feeling strong enough, I send love to the one who caused it.
That’s harder.

What I can say, is that while it’s not a cure all it’s definitely a start.
A good start, one that doesn’t require a lot of time and all in all makes you feel better.
Which makes those around you feel better.
Which spreads outward.
Like throwing a pebble in the water.

Let’s watch the ripples together :)

Until next time…..
Michele, aka The Dreaming Dilettante