The past few months have been amazing for me as I settle into the business of getting my business going.
Many of you know that my official job title has many hyphens but my first priority is being home with my 18 month old daughter.
Alas, the real world is all around me (no matter how often I hide) and I still need to work a bit. So I (along with a very supportive husband) made the decision that if I have to work then it will be work I love.
So the road I am on is about doing the work I love, trusting that the things you love to do are the things you are meant to do and that in the end are really the only sustainable options.
At least for me that has proven over and over to be my truth.
And I feel so truly blessed to be where I am supporting the family at home and spending my days doing what I love.
You would think there would be such gentleness.
Yet I still place these expectations on myself, all fear-based that if I don’t earn enough money this will all go away.
I chastise myself for not blogging more, not finishing that workshop etc.
That at some point, I may need to go and get the dreaded “day-job” and I will regret “wasting” this time.
Then today it occurred to me that I was so busy dreaming and looking forward to when all this would be mine that I never settled in to enjoy the fact that it already is.
That’s normal though isn’t it?
We run on such fear that the unexpected could happen and take away all that matters most to us that we spend our whole loves looking ahead that we never actually live.
I like to think I am pretty good at being present, taking in moments and being grateful for all I have.
It is the big picture that usually captures my imagination and sucks me in.
I think that when this happens then I will KNOW that all I love and value will be permanent.
That when this thing happens and I have the money that I can breathe, sit back and enjoy.
Except, what if that is 5 years from now?
And my little girl is headed off to school?
What will I think then?
That I wish I had enjoyed the time I had more.
So while I still dream, I will save that for my dreaming time.
Little nuggets that I carve out of my days to elevate myself, play and keep myself always striving.
Yet I will settle in, and get busy living each and every moment.
That the truth is, if all I have is right now then I want to enjoy NOW.
I will never look back at this time and say, “see if you hadn’t enjoyed time with your family and working on work you love then you could have made more money.”
And then what?
Then this time, this right now, would not be what I wanted.
I would have been preserving an idea of what I wanted but never actually getting down to living it.
Here is to living the now, as this IS your life.
Make THIS moment, beautiful.