*Note: I know many people are upset with the announcement that Google Reader is going away. I use this site to manage all the blogs I read and it’s wonderful! Check it out: bloglovin***
So far, 2013 has been amazing.
Not always good, but always amazing.
Definitely not always easy but always amazing.
There has been a lot of growth, a lot of change, a lot of progress, a lot of creating.
Today, I have the itch to create, to bury myself within paints and markers and ripped pieces of paper and yet-I’m not.
I feel stuck. Like my feet are glued in place and I can’t break free.
I decided instead to write about it and as always the answer came to me.
I have been learning a lot about myself the past few months. Digging deeply into my purpose, my contract, stating how much I want to know, “what the next step is!” I would become frustrated when I felt that I wasn’t progressing in the way I should or when the road seemed unclear or overgrown. Today, as I sat stuck I realized that the next step was clearly right in front of me. I said it in the previous paragraph-I wanted to create, I wanted to bury myself with paints.
So why wasn’t I painting?
Why was I starting to back slowly away from this newly found purpose? From this road I was so sure of less than a week ago?
Today I took my first pottery class-it was awesome! I made something that looks like a bowl. I think I will call it “bowl” and fill it with chocolates and flowers. (I will share pics in the forum once it’s completed).
The 2 women who were there were lovely and we chatted and I found myself saying I was painting, how I was working on a coaching certification to teach painting and how I am a writer. Naturally they asked why type of writing I do so I started talking about my latest project.
I was nervous, hesitant but pushed through. They smiled and the one woman lent me a book she thought I would enjoy, appropriately titled, “Art & Fear” by David Bayles & Ted Orland.
So I have this great morning, I want to create and yet I am stopping myself. A pattern I am recognizing as old and familiar. Generally it would result in my abonding all the systems I have put in place over the past few weeks, no longer accomplishing anything and then lamenting about how things always get in the way.
So what’s going on?
Fear. Plain and simple.
(And I say that having not read of word of the book!)
I am starting to put myself out there. Starting to be seen as an artist. I am starting to put expectations on myself. Quietly whispering deadlines in my head and attaching dollar amounts to my work.
Instead of just creating my work.
Fear is perfectly normal and sometimes it can warn us life-threatening dangers.
People not liking my artwork isn’t life-threatening.
So today, I create.
Fear and all.
Join me?
Until next time…Michele, aka The Dreaming Dilettante