Well we survived another holiday.
I hear that statement often around this time of year. I hear friends talk about “obligations” people complaining about traffic and having to listen to this family member or that family member drone on and on…and I wonder-does anyone enjoy that get together? I realize that when you are part of unit that we all do things that at times aren’t our first choice but I wonder how many people spend their entire lives doing things that aren’t their first choice.
How often do we suppress what we want because someone else (generally a more forceful someone else with an established ‘I’m the boss and I and only I run the show for this family attitude) dictate how we live our lives? And if it is not one controlling person, how often do we make choices based on what we perceive the collective opinion of us will be?
An example from my own life is this blog. Often times I start writing and then stop, thinking about “well if ‘so and so’ reads this will they get offended? Think I am odd? Judge me? Tell others?” and so I would catch myself adjusting my words a bit. The problem with that is what if the adjustment upsets someone else? At the end of the day, who’s voice am I sharing on this blog, mine or this made up mish mosh of all the little critical voices in my head?
I feel that recent changes in my life have given me carte blanche to live my life as an all around expression of me! I do not explain, justify or adapt my choices because of what I feel the collective might have to say nor do I care if other people disagree with or do not like them. I am living in full technicolor and it feels fantastic!
And what have I noticed? All of those criticisms you hear in your head? The condescension of a family member or the laughter at a “friend” when YOU show up? Most times-it’s not there and if it is, the voice is so much smaller and insignificant than I thought it would be. Perhaps it is the self-esteem and confidence that comes when you know you are authentically being yourself and sharing all the beautiful things you have to offer with the world.
Here is to YOU!
I think so many of us feel the exact same way. But in the end, it's your voice, your experience, your strength… and what I try to remember (I've forgotten it for a while, however) is that if I don't speak my truth, someone who might need to hear it, won't.
Awesome! Yes 😀
A nice reminder to listen to our inner wisdom rather than seeking answers (and trends) outside ourselves. When we tap into our own needs life is more enjoyable for all!
Christine such a wonderful way to view things-that by not being us we may be depriving others of something they need to hear! Thanks for commenting!
Thank you Elinor!
Petrea you are right so much more enjoyable! Thank you for commenting!
Sometimes it's incredibly hard to figure out exactly who we are – it can be easier, somehow, to let the expectations of others (or what we think are their expectations) define us.
I think for me, there's a balance to be found between sincere compassion and caring/respect in my communication with others, and being true to myself – whatever that may mean in the moment.
The balance can shift – it's not always in the same place. But sometimes it takes a bit of time, space and thought before I can figure out where exactly it is for any given interaction.
Thanks for a thought provoking post!
It can be so hard to separate your Self – your real voice – from the other voices in your head that you've attached to over the years. I tend to consolidate all of mine into one uber-monster called the Evil Auctioneer. When it's just one-on-one battles, it's so much easier for my Self to win because I'm not getting ganged up on by a dozen different issues/worries/voices.
I'm fortunate that my Evil Auctioneer doesn't mind the holidays and that my family is pretty chill. If only I could share that zen with other people!
Congratulations on the transition into your new, empowered space. The underlying family dynamic can be difficult to see through and transcend. I love that you are able to honor yourself!
How many times I've done the same thing. The world we make up in our minds is so different from reality. I'm glad you've found your voice. Thank you for reminding me to use mine.
Tanja you are so right-there is that balance and remembering to come from compassion-thank you!
Ellie it is so true that it is all in our head! That is where your blog picks up 🙂 Thanks for commenting!
Linnette thank you for your kind words and for visiting the blog!
Marley thank you for visiting!