Last month I wrote about fears and sharing our creative work. I have realized how important it is to know why you are doing (or not) doing something. When it came to sharing my poetry book with the world I was fearful, nervous and feeling pretty vulnerable however knowing why I wanted to share it helped.
What a difference a week makes.
I have never been one to share the process of things that were new to me.
I prefer to work through, stumble and feel my way through on my own without much outside input.
I have always been like that. I am fiercely independent and operate on intuition and make decisions based on what feels right for me.
Outside influence is really just static on my otherwise clear connection to my inner knowing.
I do admire people who can just share all that they are completely, wholly and if things don’t work out or they stumble just shrug and say, “yep that’s me.”
I have gotten to the point in my life where I feel less inclined to make excuses, I worry less about giving people answers they can accept and focus more on making choices that are in alignment with who I am.
I have also become more open to the idea of sharing the process a bit.
Even if I stumble.
Even if I change my mind.
Even if I don’t master my new plan.
It is however, the dilettante way 😉
With my first poetry reading completed and feeling pretty amazing about it I have set to committing wholeheartedly to my writing.
While this may not be news to some (especially listeners to my daily podcast) there is more to this commitment that I want to share.
The scary bit.
You see I have spent a good portion of my life trying to make things be what I want them to be.
Even if they aren’t.
Not even close.In high school I wanted to be a writer so I went to school for nursing.
Yup, that’s the look Scott gave me when I said it.
What I thought would happen is I would have this job that would give me the security I needed so I could then focus on my dreams.
Made sense right?
I have come to realize however, that dreams, well they don’t play well with security.
They don’t live in the place where your 401K is fully funded and each day follows a predictable routine and nothing unplanned ever happens.
Unless of course that happens to be your dream.
Then rock on!
My dream is not that. While I hate drama and generally like my home life to be comfy cozy,when it comes to my creative dreams they are vast and HUGE and want to be out there playing and sharing and making messes.
They want to sit with coffee and chat and laugh and be silly with other creative dreams.
They want me to be me, and all that encompasses.
Silly, geographically-challenged, loyal, moody, tangent jumper-the works.
The dream, really doesn’t care much for mass approval or living along with the masses.
The dream just wants to dance.
The hard part?
Figuring out the dream and focusing on it and only it.
Acting as if.
So here is the deal. I love my family. I want my family to be my job. I want to spend my day doing things with my daughter, my husband and not have to worry about doing things that look like the responsible thing, the adult thing or thing that keeps my 401K funded.
I want to write and paint and play music and sing and dance and I want to help other people do the same.
I want to inspire.
I want to be inspired.
I want harmony.I want what I feel to be what I say and what I say to be what I mean and what I dream to be my reality.
So I am committing, here and now, to my family, my writing and all forms of creative play.
I am committed to the work that is involved with growing and changing and evolving and being this bright new shiny person.
I am ready for the tears that will come from the goodbyes I know are inevitable.
I am committed to putting it out there. Let it roll and if I stumble and fall and if things don’t work out,
I am going to shrug and say, “that’s me.”
‘Cause it is.
Let’s roll!
Until next time…
Michele aka The Dreaming Dilettante