It’s been a trying few weeks.
Nothing major has happened. No horrific events just a constant taxing on my human experience.
I would describe it as sitting in your home all day while the neighbor is using a jack hammer.
All day.
For weeks.
After a while you may just need to throw a water balloon at him to save your sanity.
Unfortunately I couldn’t find a water balloon big enough to throw at life so I did my normal;
fight, resist, oh-wait-remember all that inner work-breathe-meditate-write-screw-this-shit-I-need-a-vacation, wait, breathe
Rinse and repeat.
As you may remember this is the month of “Spreading the Love” and it occurred to me today that we need to include ourselves in that pool of love reception. I feel, for the most part, I have done that this week. I have taken time for myself when I needed to, I have been nourishing myself with good foods (well, I mean, homemade brown sugar counts right?) and just accepting that things are a little uncomfortable right now and the most gentle thing I can do is to just sit with it.
Kind of like putting on a new pair of jeans. You know they feel tight and crappy but are confident that after a while they will stretch and relax into the perfect pair.
I wanted to talk a bit today about forcing things and self-care.
And I wanted to share a story (one, I think I may have written about before but truly conveys where I am at currently).
I am a gardener. I have been since I was about 3 and after dumping an entire bag of fertilizer in one hole my mother decided to give me my own garden. I remember her showing me how to collect seeds from spend marigold buds and how to dead head flowers. In September when I returned to school, my mother would send me in with a rose, wrapped in tin foil, to my teacher to welcome the new year.
When we bought our home I could not wait to start my garden.
Hedge roses were the first that I planted, having visions of these full, lush roses lining the front of our lawn.
Over the years, the garden expanded, probably too quickly, being an impatient youth, and I found myself laden down with this massive undertaking each and every spring and fall.
About 2 years ago I headed out to “work” in the garden. It was time for spring clean-up and I had a LOT to do.
It was then that it occurred to me, “I like to garden.”
As if the idea had been lost on me it came rushing back like a Gibbs-inspired head slap.
Why was I making it such work?
Why did I look forward, all winter, to getting my hands in the soil and the minute I get out there go, “UGH THERE IS SO MUCH TO DO!”
Life can be like that.
We buy a home because we want it.
We go on vacations to relax.
And yet we treat each and every thing like an un-ending chore!Suddenly we have to spend a full day doing “house-work” or run around like a mad-person on vacation because we have to “see everything!!!”
The day I walked out in the garden and remembered what first put me there was an eye-opener that has spread through my life.
You know, when I am not busy throwing water balloons at neighbors.
I decided in that moment to do the projects I wanted to do for as long as I wanted to do them.
When I was done, I would sit with a glass of iced-tea and relax.
That was it.
Want to know a secret?
I accomplished more that day than I usually did in an entire weekend.
This morning I had a similar realization.
Yesterday morning I woke at my usual early time but rushed so much because I had to “get stuff done” that ultimately I accomplished hardly anything. I was frustrated, cranky and exhausted by the end of the day.
Today, I decided to take it easy on myself. To be gentle and to work on the things that I wanted to do.
(I feel I need to clarify that the things I wanted to do besides my podcast, writing and blog post were the dishes, laundry and clean the kitchen so it wasn’t all magical 😉
I accomplished everything on my list today.
Except pay the water bill.
Probably should do that.
Or I won’t be able to fill my water balloons.
So I would like to invite you to love yourself a bit.
Approach your day with a “what do I really want to work on right now.”
Ignore the clock and engross yourself in the now.
You may be surprised at the results.
Until Next Time….
Michele, aka The Dreaming Dilettante
P.S. I really don’t throw water balloons at my neighbors.
No really, I swear! 🙂